Snowplow Parenting & the Incredible Price Tag
A few months ago, a friend mentioned a family she knew who was putting their kid through an out-of-state public university to the tune of $50k a year. I remember asking, “How’s that working out?” The answer was not so well, he may flunk out. That triggered my next thought of wow, what an expensive lesson.
But, like the old Paul Harvey radio shows, it seems there is the Rest of the Story.
Sadly, my prediction might be coming true. He finished the spring term in academic jeopardy. A couple of days ago, this student’s mom called my friend in a panic. She needed help with her son’s Economics class. My friend demurred, saying Econ was so broad you needed to be in the class to know what the professor wanted. It seems the mom was helping out by “taking” the open book mid-term for her son. Her explanation? He needs a good grade to stay in school. Wait-it gets better. While the out of state school is perfectly fine, it has a stronger football reputation than an academic one. And, here’s the head-shaker. His parents are borrowing the money to send him there through the Parent Plus Loan program. The loans are in their names, not his. So who has skin in the game? The answer is, of course, anyone but him.
Everyone remembers the moniker “helicopter parent.” This is used to describe parents who can’t let their children out of their sight- ever. According to a New York Times March 2019 article, this has been superseded by the “snowplow”, “bulldozer”, or “lawn-mowing” parent(s). These kinds of parents level the path or flatten any obstacles that get in the way of the desired results for their students. Here’s how this might look, according to the article.
“In its less outrageous — and wholly legal — form, snowplowing (also known as lawn-mowing and bulldozing) has become the most brazen mode of parenting of the privileged children in the everyone-gets-a-trophy generation.
It starts early when parents get on waitlists for elite preschools before their babies are born and try to make sure their toddlers are never compelled to do anything that may frustrate them. It gets more intense when school starts: running a forgotten assignment to school or calling a coach to request that their child make the team.
Later, it’s writing them an excuse if they procrastinate on schoolwork, paying a college counselor thousands of dollars to perfect their applications or calling their professors to argue about a grade.”
Let me be clear here. There is no harm in helping a student with a math problem, a question about a historical perspective, or teaching them to analyze a problem. That’s reasonable. What is going on here is an absolute hijack of her son’s life and future. It is in fact a form of hobbling.
In the Merriam-Webster dictionary, hobbling is defined as follows: to cause to limp: make lame: cripple. 2 [probably alteration of hopple to hobble] a: to fasten together the legs of (an animal, such as a horse) to prevent straying: fetter.
No parent wants to hobble their student. The desire for a great result for them can blind us all. Here are some thoughts that came to mind.
1) Actions speak louder than words. His lack of commitment to his own education seems fairly clear here. I’d ask why they are borrowing another semester’s tuition + room & board after the first year’s academic results? These loans are non-negotiable and will require payments beginning 9 months after he leaves school. And, he will leave. I don’t know when or how but it will happen. I hope he won’t be that 40% of college students who never earn their degree.
2) Were there signs this might happen? College admissions teams review high school grades because past performance is a strong predictor of future performance. Generally, only top-notch out of state students are admitted because there are so few slots available. Likely he did well in high school. Did something change? And, again, WHY this school? Were there no comparable programs of study in their home state? Or, is this an example of handing over your financial sanity when those pleading eyes beg you to send them to their “dream school?”
3) Why is failing AT something a no-no? I’ve experienced failure plenty of times. I was a middling competitive swimmer, a horrible seamstress (still am), and did not complete my graduate studies, altering my long-held dreams. Failing at something is a life lesson. Failing does not make anyone a failure. It merely shows us something about ourselves. I say, admire those with gifts you don’t have and move onward.
The sad news is this is crippling the student. Badly. I didn’t know much about hobbling an animal, so I asked an expert horsewoman. And yes, these straps are used to keep your horses nearby. They are needed out on the range, especially at night, to keep the horses from wandering all over the hills looking for tastier grass. Here, the hobbling comes from not exposing him to the consequences of his actions.. Eventually, the real world will teach this difficult lesson, and it may be at a very steep price.
Parents-take stock and have boundaries. Discuss your expectations AND the consequences before they even start college. I am not saying be insensitive or heartless. I am saying it is okay to pull the plug when your student does not demonstrate capacity or commitment and does so repeatedly.
A business report a few days ago scrolled across my screen about the iconic Disney brand moving rapidly in a new direction. What can parents of college-bound students learn from this? I’ll unpack that in next week’s blog! ( Don’t worry, Mickey & Star Wars are safe…)
Until next time,
All my best,
Bonnie
