Letting your Student Lead
Let me share a story from a good friend of mine. I am grateful for her permission.
Her son is in high school. He’s a lot like many young men these days. He’s nice, but not particularly engaged. She’s worried about him and his future after high school. In one of several conversations, I asked her to tell me what makes him get up and go. She said, “Well, he likes to go to a friends’ shop and help out around there.” I encouraged her to support this tiny flame of interest. It seemed like a place where he was comfortable and happy. Fast forward after the pandemic shutdown. It is finally safe for him to return to the shop as they have figured out social distancing and masks. I checked back in on the subject with her last week. She said something special.
“He loves to go there. Bill (the owner) told me he enjoys having him come by. He said my son has a knack for looking over a mechanical problem and just figuring it out. Bill chuckled and said he’s a natural at studying the problem and working up the solution without bothering anyone there. He actually said he was better at this than some of Bill’s employees.”
I looked at her and said, “I hope you can run with it.” She grinned. There was relief and hope in her eyes. Why? I think it’s because she saw a future in something he loves and has shown talents and gifts.
When you get right down to it, isn’t helping our students towards their gifts, talents, and strengths one of the best things we can do with them? Observe their interests, see patterns, and share how their gifts can be used to bless others. We all want to make a difference. To make a difference AND get paid to do it…. oh, wow!
We don’t spend much time on such things. It’s not easy. But it IS important. Here some more parameters to consider.
ONE - I believe we are given many gifts we can share & which we can contribute to the world. Rarely is the challenge too FEW talents and gifts. The challenge is figuring out what you do well, and aim yourself in that direction BY intent, not accident. When we “fall into” something we like, it may be fine for a while. But, we could change our mind ten years later and become really lost. When we take the time to see and discover patterns of what we LOVE doing, that’s harder to give up.
TWO - Sometimes, we can find out more about ourselves through the process of writing out or journaling our thoughts through specific questions. Here’s an idea- do this WITH your student! Take four pieces of paper, & give two to your student. Do one question to one side of each piece of paper. Write your answers. Think some more. Write more examples. Do this over a weekend. On Sunday night, compare answers and tell your stories! Be sure to think of examples from elementary, middle, high school, and adulthood. Here are the questions from Chapter 10 of my book, ENOUGH! The College Cost Crisis.
#1 What thrilled you as a child? ( specific memories and WHY you loved it so much! Note the age you were when you did this.)
#2 When is the last time you lost track of time ( while you were DOING something! )? What was it and why did it cause you to do that?
#3 What do you yearn to do? (Dream careers or positions, & WHY you like them!)
#4 What can others tell me about my strengths, skills, and talents? (This requires you to reach out to OTHERS and ask them to tell you what THEY see in you).
It takes a lot of examples to see some patterns. Look for patterns in each other’s interests.
Let me share one from my life. I love creating and teaching classes. Here are some lifetime proofs. I was always the teacher when we played school. ages 6-9 I designed & taught basic guitar lessons for pocket money in high school. I taught swimming every summer in college. I got my college to approve my specifically designed PE course that earned students their Senior Lifeguard certification. I have continued designing classes of some sort my whole adult life. While not my main job, it has proven to be a rewarding offshoot.
THREE - Now that you can see some talents, how do you hone those skills? Some need college degrees, some technical education & certifications. Unless you take the time to get the right information, you cannot find your direction. It is like being lost in the woods. First, you need to know where’s north and south, east & west. You need to see some landmarks which you then identify on a map. From there you determine roughly where you are, and you can look for ways to get back to where you should be. All of that process is about matching up what you see, and what is on a map. And that will get you on your right path!
The closer their higher education experience reflects their interests, the more likely they will complete their studies. Right now, only 6 out of 10 college students graduate with any degree. We have 31 million former students with no degree and college loan debt they must payback. We have a broken higher education system which we can’t afford, and one that gets a failing grade in dealing with students.
Do this exercise as often as needed. When you get a sense of direction, it shrinks the fears and gets you moving. It can also bring some calm. Ask my friend. She’s feeling a lot better these days because she can see a possible path for her student.
That’s real progress.
In these hard times, let’s celebrate any progress we can make towards finding the right path.
Next week, let’s compare college shopping to car shopping. They have a lot more in common than you think they do!
Until next time,
All my best,
Bonnie
