College Realities Checklist
With just a few extra statistics, this could have been lifted from my book, ENOUGH! The College Cost Crisis.
The price of higher education is stratospheric. It’s time to tell the truth so you can use alternative paths and processes. Most of those alternative paths will reduce your college costs significantly. The best combination of lower costs ( low or no loans!) and a quality degree should be the ultimate goal.
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1. Your Kid Is Special In A Millions Ways, Just Not When It Comes To College Admissions
Top grades, top test scores, tons of extra-curriculars, leadership positions, achievement awards, and 100s of volunteer hours are becoming the norm for today’s high school student. Each and every student has their own unique set of accomplishments and it truly is amazing (if not also a little bit scary) to see what today’s high schooler’s are capable of in terms of academics, involvements and masterful time management.
But when you consider that there are almost 24,000 high schools in this country, that means a minimum of 24,000 Valedictorians. Let’s then expand that to include the number of students who fall in the top 10% of most high schools, with an average of 3.7million students graduating from high school each year, you are talking about close to 400,000 students. But the Ivy League schools along with MIT accept only about 22,000 students total across ALL the schools per year. Are you beginning to see where this going?
There are simply far more extraordinary students these days then there are spots in these highly ranked schools. Applications to prestigious schools are up dramatically, especially with test optional admissions growing. There was a 22% increase in common-applications submitted for the graduating class of 2022 and college acceptance rates were the lowest on record, especially for highly ranked schools.
Yes, your kid is special, and they(and you) should be proud of all they have done. However, it doesn’t mean that they are going to get in to the schools that the world has been telling them they should be aiming to attend. I encourage every parent to read this famous graduation speech given at Wellesley High School in 2012 – “You Are Not Special” 10 years later it is almost more relevant than it was then.
It’s so hard to feel like your kid did everything they were supposed to do, they checked all the boxes, they followed the formula and yet for a large number of the class of 2022 it meant rejection after rejection. It left so many teenagers and parents in a state of shock, disbelief and defeat. But maybe what this is telling us is that it is finally time to start changing the college conversation.
We shouldn’t be turning our kids high school experience into a series of check boxes that leaves them totally stressed, depressed and burnt out. It should be a time for them to explore their interests, take risks and have some fun. They are still kids and these are the last years of their childhood. There are so many amazing schools out there that aren’t as well known or who have chosen not to play the rankings game, who aren’t demanding these crazy levels of perfection and achievement from our kids to gain acceptance. And these are the schools that will see how special our kids are and will recognize what they have to offer. These are the schools with healthier environments where there is an emphasis on balance and personal growth so our kids will thrive, not just survive.
So, considering this….. that takes us to #2
2. School Ranking And Low Acceptance Rates Aren’t Everything
Let’s be honest, this isn’t true of everyone today, but a large number of high schools, parents and students have become overly fixated on the hype around highly ranked schools. This isn’t something completely new, as these schools have carried a certain prestige for decades and are often sought out by the rich, famous and powerful as well as those who aspire to be these things. There is the belief if you can just get your foot in the door to one of these institutions a successful and happy life are guaranteed.
What parent doesn’t want this for their child, especially in today’s world? Considering millenials are the first generation expected to have a lower quality of life than their parents generation, there is a growing feeling of scarcity and risk for these younger generations. This all just seems to intensify the focus on the importance of getting into the “right” school – AKA an Ivy or other highly ranked, highly competitive school with really low acceptance rates.
However, it’s now been discussed that aren’t nearly enough spaces in these schools to meet this growing demand. They were highly selective before and now, unless you’re a legacy (And B.S. to anyone that says legacy isn’t a factor anymore)it’s pretty much a lottery. Yet, thousands of kids feel like their dreams are being crushed every year when they are shocked to receive a rejection from every.single.one. of these schools as well as a few lower down the list.
What we need to be looking for when it comes to our students is fit. This means schools that are affordable and will avoid 6 figures in debt upon graduation. Schools that are the right size, offer the right coursework and majors, have the resources our students need to be successful (everything from academic to mental health), class sizes, classes that are taught in person and by full professors, an environment and campus that fits the personality of our child. There are so many factors that go way beyond ranking.
Any parent or student caught-up in the brainwashing that an anything below an Ivy or other top ranked university is unacceptable or somehow reflects failure or settling needs to read the book “Where You Go Is Not Who You Will Be” Success in life is so much more than the the reputation of the school where an undergraduate degree is obtained.
3. Scholarships of Any Kind, Let Alone Full Ride Scholarships, For Academics or Athletics Are Not Abundant
First, let’s be very clear about types of scholarships.
1.Full-Ride= Covers tuition, room & board and often some kind of stipend for books and other costs
2. Partial-Scholarship = Some percentage of the cost of tuition plus room & board (typically not more than half)
Also, some parents get financial aid confused with scholarships. Financial aid is awarded based on need and can cover anything from all expenses to a very small percentage. (we’ll talk more about this is #3)
When talking about scholarships, about 1% of students entering college each year earn a full-ride scholarship. Yes, you read that right, 1%!!!
Unfortunately, many parents are functioning under the false assumption that there are an abundance of full tuition scholarships out there for kids who are exceptional either athletically or academically or both. Part of the issue with this assumption is what was stated in #1, the term “exceptional” by a parents standard isn’t really “exceptional” by many college standards. Also, athletics, often thought to be a pathway to paying for college, rarely awards full scholarships to even the most accomplished athlete. Only 2% of high school athletes earn even partial scholarships. Part of this is that only D1 schools offer scholarships to athletes and that excludes the Ivy League schools, which give out ZERO athletic scholarships.
Merit scholarships are more common, but students qualify for a variety of reasons, and they vary greatly from institution to institution. They are also given out more frequently by private universities with price tags in the $60-$80K range yearly, where even a sizable merit scholarship might only cover half of a students full expenses. This still means the private school will be much more costly than some full price flagship state schools. Chasing merit has become a common strategy in today’s competitive and costly college admission’s process, but it requires a lot of research and knowledge and is far from guaranteed. It also means students can’t get their heart set on a specific school, but they need to be willing to go where the merit is offered. If you’d like to learn more, Ron Lieber’s book “The Price You Pay For College” is a must read.
4. Even Though You Can’t Afford College Tuition, It Doesn’t Mean You’ll Get Financial Aid
It was surprising to see many parents posting in college admissions FB groups after they had filled out the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) who were shocked to discover that their expected family contribution (EFC) was far more than they could actually afford to pay. In many cases, parents were expecting almost full financial aid and qualified for nothing at all. This is especially true of many middle-income families.
FAFSA is not the ONLY tool used by colleges to determine financial need (many use the CSS – a private profile used by the college board) and some use their own calculations which you can determine by filling out the net price calculator an individual university websites. However, no matter how schools are determining financial need, what a student will qualify for can be wildly different that what a family’s budget can accommodate.
This is the reason that many families need to start researching and talking about college costs with their kids much earlier than junior or senior year. It should be clear that the college decision is a “family” decision, not the just the choice of the student. Many high school students get all caught up in this idea of “dream” school without realizing that the costs and the potential debt required to attend will ultimately turn into a nightmare.
Yes, parents have the right to set financial limits for college. You may wish you didn’t have to put restrictions on your son or daughter’s college choices, especially if they’ve worked their butts off to check all those boxes, but it is far worse to let them think something is a possibility and then have it ripped out from underneath them after they’ve been accepted. Avoid disappointment and anger ahead of time by having students make their college application lists based on what is reasonable for the family to afford. It is fine to include schools that might be a financial reach but where merit aid is generous or other financial aid is a possibility. It’s just important that your high schooler knows what the bottom line is and why.
Also, as a note, for students/parents who think they’ll just pay for everything with student loans. A student can only take out $5500 in loans their freshman year on their own and slightly more each year after. Anything above that requires a parent to co-sign. So, that means the liability for that debt falls to the parents if the student doesn’t repay and that debt becomes part of your credit score. Additionally, parents have to have good enough credit to qualify for the loans.
For all these reasons and many more, this brings us to our next hard truth.
5. Community College Needs To Be A More Respected And Viable Alternative For Many Families
Whether it is fair or not, there is a belief among many parents and their kids, that attending a community college is somehow settling or not a worthwhile alternative. Yet, many community colleges provide an excellent education with a large selection of degrees to pursue. There are so many reasons for parents and teens alike to consider the community college alternative.
One of the biggest ones is simply COST. The cost of attending a 4 year university has increased over 180% in the last 20 years from $10k yearly to $28k yearly. However, many schools have price tags closer to$50-$80K per year and some of these are state schools. This sharp rise in the cost of higher level education has made paying for college increasingly difficult for more and more families. One way to still make some of these pricier universities attainable and to reduce the likelihood of high levels of students loans is to start at a community college.
Students can attend a community college for a small fraction of what it would cost to attend a 4 year university. After completing an associate’s degree, the student can then transfer into a 4 year school. Their degree will still ultimately be awarded from the 4 year university, with all the prestige and resources of that school, but at half the cost.
Another reason this option may be attractive is that some students, especially due to the events of the last few years, are really not ready to go away to college right after high school. For some students there are mental health issues they are still managing and for others its just burn out trying to compete in today’s stressful high school landscape.
Lastly, if a student doesn’t have the grades or test scores for the schools they want to attend, doing well in community college could give them a path to gaining acceptance in the future. It also gives students time to work, save money and gain a little more confidence and independence before leaving home.
6. Not All Kids Should Go To College
There was a time in this country when trade jobs were respected and a popular post high school option. And then at some point, it was decided that EVERY kid should got to college and this was the only pathway to professional success. Trade occupations started to lose credibility and stigmas formed around attending trade schools. What exactly occurred to create this destructive mentality is unclear, but it’s time that we make this part of changing the college conversation.
As college costs skyrocket and many students can’t even get jobs in their fields upon graduation, going into a trade provides a viable option for young adults seeking guaranteed employment, flexibility, purpose and in many cases very lucrative paychecks. Students should feel just as proud for choosing this route as they should for attending college and they should be recognized equally at home and in high schools.
Trade jobs are an incredibly important part of our economy and are always in demand. In fact, at the moment, there is a shortage of tradespeople, which is making these careers even more in demand. Pursuing a trade still requires a student to learn skills and work hard. It’s not easy way out and it shouldn’t be a negative reflection on the worth or capabilities of any student. It’s just simply a different choice for young adults who might not particularly enjoy academics or who don’t see themselves being happy in traditional professional career tracks. Which by the way, did you know 23% of students of students say they attend college only because “they think they should.”
Want to learn a little bit more, check out these posts that have been wildly popular the last few months:
Six Strong Reasons to Encourage Trade School for Your Teen
10 Awesome and Rewarding Trades Jobs for Teens To Consider
College admissions feels broken and it is breaking so many young adult’s spirits. It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s just time to start changing the college conversation. Parents and students need to be willing to push back against all the voices saying there is only way path to follow or only certain schools that are worthy and they need to listen to their own inner voices. Be open to looking at many options and many colleges and really figuring out what makes sense for your kid and your family both academically, personally and financially. It requires a little bravery, but in the end, choosing to follow your own path will make all the difference.
We Need to Change the Way We Talk about What Makes a Good College Now
How To Help Your Teen Pick The Best College For Them
Best College Planning Books For High Schoolers
Dear High School Senior Who Doesn’t Have It All Together
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From the website, parentingteensandtweens.com. All highlights were added by me. If it blows up your dreams or fantasies, I’m sorry. It may also save you and your student tens of thousands of loan dollars. That’s money needed to start your career, afford sky-high rent, and move forward in your life.
Until Next Time,
All My Best,
Bonnie Burkett
