Setting Boundaries for the Fall

Why do I think Spring Break will happen twice in 2021?

Maybe because I went to college or I’m a parent of someone who went to college. Maybe because I am a student of human nature, and there is a lot of pent-up partying around right now.

I am assuming colleges and universities will reopen this fall. I am also expecting many will require their matriculating students to be fully vaccinated to attend in person. And, as a student of human nature, no matter what “guidelines” are provided, once you fill-up the dorms, the town, the stadiums, and classrooms, you are going to see a whole lot of partying going on. They are making up for a lost time. And, I get it.

Nevertheless, there is another side to all this. Parents and guardians, you MUST create functional boundaries to keep your students moving forward. For some, you will coach them up towards the mutual goal of graduation, and sadly, some others will need to be coached out to another opportunity.

Allow me to share a story. My parents set some academic boundaries on me to stay in college on their dime. They told me based on my academic performance in school, they would hold me to an overall “B” average during my college years to keep attending my school. It felt, well, a bit like I was being punished for something that hadn’t happened yet. I was a good B student in high school, very involved in band and church, and had precious little time for trouble. Why this now?

Never did find out. But I can tell you, I took it seriously. Not being sure what it would take to make that grade, I studied. Not being used to the madhouse of a dorm, I found quiet spots in the back of the library. Oh, yeah, I got involved in all kinds of other things, too. But I didn’t forget the rule. You see, I liked being in college. I liked it a lot. I didn’t want to go home over awful grades. Plan B was not an option I wanted.

Did I resent it? Yes! But, miraculously, it helped make me a better student. I learned how to study, I learned how to manage my time, and I did well. Actually, I did much better than I expected to do. Best of all, I re-discovered my love for learning. Frankly, it had been badly abused my last two years of high school.

There is an old saying that goes, “He who has the gold makes the rules.” Crass, but true.

In many cases, the parents are a prime source of the “gold” for paying for college. Therefore, you have every right to make reasonable rules for continued financial underwriting of your student’s college journey. Here are some thoughts.

College is a privilege to attend. It is not a right, at least not yet. If you are committed to funding some part of this, they should be committed to making the grades needed to stay on course towards graduation. It is just that simple, and yes, just that hard.

Scholarships and even some grants contain grade requirements. If your student got some sort of scholarship, read the fine print! Not only are most scholarships limited to 4 years, but they also require a “B” or above average. In typical college grading speak, that would be a 3.0. For every C you make, you need to make an A to average out to that 3.0, in general. These numbers are impacted by credit hours per course. Here’s the burn. ONCE YOU LOSE THE SCHOLARSHIP, you can’t get it back. You have to pick up the cost by borrowing or personally funding the scholarship-less bill.

For some of you, having your sweet pea FINALLY back in school is a time of joy and excitement. Make sure they understand your rules and your boundaries. I daresay, most will meet the requirements you have just so they can stay where they want to be!

One final adage- fences make good neighbors. I encourage you to determine YOUR fences and share what happens if they are not able to comply. After all, attending college is expensive. It is VERY expensive if there is not a strong commitment to earning that degree. Without a committed focus, it becomes a costly vacation on the family finances. No one can afford that these days.

Higher Education is going through a metamorphosis right now. Next week’s blog will share an example of how a university has lost all trust in what it says to its’ employees.

Until next time,

All my Best,

Bonnie Burkett