Crisis Clarity and its' Side Effects

I could be wrong, but it looks like there should be a return to in-person higher education this fall semester. Where I live, they have now opened up vaccination options down to age 16. I hear the bus rumble through my neighborhood picking up a few students for our schools. With just two more months in the regular school year, we seem to be inching back to something we can recognize.

I am not a psychologist but have lived through a few crises in my time. This pandemic is one of them While you are in the depths of it, you are just busy coping. But as one emerges on the other side, things we took for granted before may not seem as important now. A crisis, once survived, seems to bring forward what is truly important to each of us. Translation? Don’t be surprised if things look different, and it stays that way.

The link below will bring up a great graph of the impact of the pandemic on us.

https://www.psd401.net/learning/counseling-program/resilience

I have tried to place this graph in the blog. It will not transfer. Let me try to share the important points. On the left side of the graph is an emotional low to the high scale bar from the bottom to the top; on the bottom from left to right, is the time bar.

It starts with a warning, then comes Impact. At impact, you are at about 40% of the emotional bar. You move forward in the first two months as Heroic, and your emotional state rockets to the highest point, at about 95%. At the peak, it is called Honeymoon. It plummets quickly into Disillusionment and struggles to climb out of the lower 40% of emotional lows. Then there is the first-anniversary dropping point, and everything after that is called Reconstruction. This is the part where working through the Grief begins. A final descriptive phrase under Grief is Coming to Terms.

The bottom line is we are starting to enter the Reconstruction phase. That means we must come to grips with what has occurred and what the future will and/or won’t be. So, what does that have to do with my student and me?

Maybe more than you think.

Let’s assume your student is in college or starting college in the fall. It would not be surprising if some students, as they get closer to leaving, suddenly say, “I don’t think so.” They may not have a set of reasons or a well-thought-out explanation. It doesn’t seem right to go. Be prepared for this kind of turnabout. It could all be part of their internal Reconstruction.

Another scenario is they are packed on July 1st, volunteer to go early, leave, and you hardly hear from them. I expect this one to be more common. We are all starved for in-person human connection, as are our students. My only concern is they remember they ARE in college to learn, so they must do the work, too. Be sure to remind them of any grade requirements for grants or scholarships they have. Once lost those scholarships are irretrievable.

The third option may be out there, too. It’s when they say, ” I just don’t want to do college THERE anymore. I need to go someplace else.” If this happens, I hope it happens now, not later. There will be very few transfer slots available in the fall of 2021. All those who took a “gap” year in 2020, are re-applying and going to school this fall. Most colleges and universities should be packed to the gills this September.

Astute parents will be aware of the strong possibility of just such a U-turn with their students. Your student could exhibit some signs of distress as school approaches this summer. They may be afraid to tell you how they feel. They may be afraid to disappoint. They may not know how they feel or have see-saw thoughts about going or staying. Affirming your own ups and downs in this pandemic may let them feel it is okay not to know what to do. If you let them know you don’t have a magic wand, but, you are willing to walk with them on the journey, that may be all they need to spill their thoughts out safely with you.

Generally, any Reconstruction is a time not just to put back what was there, but also a time to improve it. If your student ends up making some changes going forward, please help them by working with them as they try to define what they want and where it is. Even if you don’t know the way, deep down they will appreciate not journeying alone.

And, parents, based on what I am hearing from clients and friends, you may be ready to make some changes of your own. I hope you will be able to move forward with positive ones, and that your own emotional tank is being refilled with good things every week.

We have all endured a unique event. It has cost everyone something. Let’s remember our values and what is important as we re-emerge and re-engage. Let’s allow for the strong reality that our perceptions may have changed. We may be going in a new direction. And, let’s be excited about it all!

Help your friends, siblings, and others with the gift of doing college differently! For a low purchase price of under $20, ENOUGH! The College Cost Crisis offers clear options to the oppressive college loan debt so many are carrying. College doesn’t have to break the bank. Get real and get going in a more sane financial direction.

Next week, let’s get real with what the fall semester for your student could look like. Maybe some boundaries would help everyone!

Until Next Time,

All My Best,

Bonnie Burkett